I was sorting mail this morning at work when I came across a letter that creeped me out. It wasn't what was on the inside, it was what was on the outside. In the upper right hand corner was a nutcracker stamp. I don't know if you have seen these yet, but they are part of the Holiday Collection from the Post Office. I don't know who the sadistic fool at the Post Office headquarters was that decided this was a good idea to place these creepy images onto stamps, but he was wrong. He was not quite as wrong as the 15th century German dude who started carving them in the first place, but wrong none the less.
My fear of these creepy little bastards started as a small child, when my cousin tricked me into putting my finger into the mouth of one of these evil creations. You can imagine what happened next. So with a mangled finger and tears flowing down my young cheeks, I stared at this thing and started to notice all that is wrong with them. First it seems be wearing disturbing little uniforms and holding weapons or drumsticks. Then I noticed the eyes...angry dead eyes, like the eyes of a doll. Next I saw the hair, nothing natural or inviting there either. Finally I saw the mouth. An open maw filled with spaced apart square teeth. The mouth of some evil rock crushing machine or serial killer. Creepy as fuck...all of it!
The next time you see one of those evil stamps or a nutcracker for sale in the mall, you do what I do. Run, run your ass off!
~E
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