Wash your Frickin' hands!

I'm at work and have the sudden urge to "drain the radiator", so off to the restroom I go. I do my business and go to wash my hands, and who comes in...my arch nemesis, who we will call "Roy". Roughly eleventy-hundred times a day I want to slit this guys fuckin' throat with a box cutter and then just watch him bleed out all over the floor. After that I want to light this guys corpse on fire, and then piss it out. That is how much I seriously hate this guy.

Anyway, Roy comes in, as I'm just starting to wash my hands. He does his thing, and then just starts to walk out of the restroom. I see him in the mirror looking at me washing my hands, and then...and only then does he get it. Wash your Frickin' hands! So then Roy sheepishly comes over to wash his hands. At this point he sneezes all over the large mirror in front of the sinks. I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, why try to cover your nose and mouth now, you don't want to get your filthy piss dribble all over yourself, you frickin' pig". So he lightly washes his hands, but doesn't use any soap?!?! Seriously, can anyone be anymore disgusting?

So as I'm sitting here typing, I'm starting to wonder if this was a one time deal, or does Roy lack that much in the hygiene department, or does he just not care? I'm also wondering what infectious diseases will creep up and slowly rot away me and every single person who uses that restroom. I think it's time to warn the others, and start using the restroom down the hall.

Well kids, the moral of the story is if you wash your hands after you use the bathroom, you won't get blogged about like Ol' Roy, the Frickin' jack ass.

~E

There is no "We" in team

I live in Wisconsin, and I'm not a Green Bay Packers fan, there I admit it. I hope you are all happy now. Anyway, I listen to local sports talk radio a lot driving to and from work, and I have to tell you that there are a lot of really dumb ass Packer fans.

The reason I say this is because Packer fans are some of the few people that use "WE" when they talk about the team. For example a caller this morning actually said, "We need to stop making stupid mistakes in the red zone and just pound the ball down their throats". Now this was a call from some lady named Claire. "Claire" might have been her alias, because she just might be in the witness protection program, but I'm pretty sure that Claire is not a member of the Green Bay Packers organization.

When I got to work this morning I fired up the world wide interweb to prove that she is not on the team. What do you think I found? There is not one person on the Green Bay Packers staff that goes by the name Claire. So Claire or whatever your real name is, stop the lies! You are not on the team, I looked! As far as I could tell Claire and all her meat head cohorts who use "we" in reference to the team are all liars. These rabid fans that call in crying or bragging about this or that and use the term "we" are just that, fans. They are not on the payroll, they don't ride on the team jet, they do not participate in team meetings or practice, and they certainly are not on the field during the game. At most theses fans sell popcorn and beer at Lambeau Field, and that is as close as most people will ever get to calling themselves a member of the Green Bay Packers.

I will say that there are some really good packer fans out there, but there are some that take their fandom a bit too far, like the guy in the picture at the top.

~E

Hotdish & Strippers

I work for a company that happens to have its own cafeteria, which for the most part is pretty cool. First of all it provides hot breakfast and lunch items, which beats "brown bagging it" or bringing leftovers anyday. Second, the prices are very reasonable. It’s around 3-4 dollars for an entrée, side, and vegetable; so it’s not too bad at all. And finally third, MOST of the time the cafeteria serves really good food. There is usually nothing that even closely resembles school hot lunch, nursing home food, hospital food, or the "three hots" you get while you are in the custody of your city or county correctional facilities. I mentioned that the cafeteria serves really good food MOST of the time; well there is an exception to that statement…


A few weeks ago they were serving one of the all time trusters when it comes to comfort food: Tater Tot Hotdish, and in my best Mach Man Randy Savage voice I said OOOH YEAH! So I had one of the cafeteria workers sling me some of the tater tot loving and away I went back to my desk to enjoy some of what I call "a tear from the cheek of a flavor angel". I opened up my non-biodegradable foam clam lock container, and peered inside. To my surprise I saw bits of yellow, and orange amongst the hamburger, cream of mushroom soup, green beans, and tater tots. Was this some sort of joke or just a simple error?


It turns out that they put Veg-All in their tater tot hotdish! Who in their right mind puts Veg-All in anything? To me Veg-All is something you bring to the food bank, or donate to a strip club to avoid having to pay the cover charge. It’s not something that you eat on purpose, you only eat it when you are tricked into it. Like when you have someone else smell the lumpy, almost solid, spoiled rotten jug of milk.


So, today they had tater tot hotdish for lunch. I wandered over and took one look. Yup, Veg-All again. So I asked the head cook what the story was on the Veg-All in the tater tot hotdish. Her reply was "that’s how my mom has always made it".


I bet her mom is a stripper.